The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love

There are three primary attachment styles—the first being healthy and secure, and the second two reflecting unhealthy and insecure attachment in childhood: Secure attachment: Children who are secure believe that they are worthy of love and care and can count on receiving it. They parented him in a similar fashion and used tough love, the method they were raised with and believed was best. It was both scary and exhilarating to realize what was true for her—that while she still loved Dave, she wasn’t willing to stay in a relationship in which she was treated that way. As a result, the relationship was far worse off than if she’d had the difficult but necessary conversation in the first place.